A condom? Yes, please!

... or how to negotiate for the use of condoms.

It all has to start long before sex takes place. First, we’ve got to make our minds up on what we want to do, on what makes us happy. If we decide on having sex only with condoms, we have to stick resolutely to that. And we need to repeat and practise that in our minds. Regularly.

1. Let’s always have condoms at hand: in our bags, jackets, cars – within as easy reach as possible.
2. If we choose to bring someone home, condoms have to be within arm’s reach.
3. We have to develop strategies and become strong enough to know how to – and be able to – say no. If somebody doesn’t agree on sex with a condom, we simply need to say: "OK, then I’d like you to leave." And don’t waver. It’s good to run through situations like that in our minds. We need to tell ourselves repeatedly: "I don’t want to have sex without a condom. I’m not going to do it without protection." There’s no point in negotiating or arguing. Just say: "I like you, but I’m not doing it without a condom."
4. We can also go for some other, non-penetrative form of safer sex.
5. If we’re not capable of upholding our decisions, we should not be ashamed to look for help. If we’re in a bad relationship, where our partner forces us into doing things we don’t want to, it may be time to take action and end such a relationship. It’s maybe the right time to ask ourselves: "Is this really a good relationship for me?" It may be time to work out a strategy for ending such a relationship. Don’t be ashamed to ask experts for advice and help.
6. In the final instance it’s good to be aware of PEP: Post Exposure Prophylaxis. PEP is a one-month course of anti-HIV medication, identical to that given to HIV positive people. It could be the last lifeline if we think we might have exposed ourselves to HIV during sex. The treatment needs to be started within 24 hours of exposure. It isn’t a morning-after pill for HIV, but a tiring treatment with lots of severe side effects. However, it is successful at stopping HIV in 85 %. It’s important to be aware of this option, although it should only be considered in cases of emergency, for instance after sex without a condom or with a broken condom. A strict and correct us of condoms remains the most efficient way of staying safe from HIV.

The use of alcohol and drugs is a frequent reason for risky and unprotected sex. "If we know we’re going out drinking or taking something else, we need to make sure we’re not going to be too drunk to make sensible decisions. Or too high to know what we’re doing. So don’t forget what a glass too many can mean," says Gordon Mundie, thus drawing attention to the dangers of alcohol and drugs.

Advice on the negotiation of the use of condoms was kindly provided by Gordon Mundie from the British non-governmental organisation Terrence Higgins Trust, where he is the coordinator of group activities on sexual health and behaviour, safer sex, and HIV/AIDS prevention programmes.